One of my favorite Simpsons episodes—and one of the two most quotable ever—is when Homer joins Hullapalooza. Rather than do a traditional top ten list of quotes, I wanted to walk you through the episode, highlighting the quotes I love. If pressed, my favorite quote is the one I say with my brother ( I mention that when you get there).
Enjoy.
Otto wrecks the bus (again?), and the kids are sent home with a letter, which Marge reads aloud:
Marge: Dear parents. Due to yesterday's unscheduled field trip to the auto wrecking yard, the school bus will be out of commission for two weeks. By reading this letter out loud, you have waived any legal responsability on our part in perpetuity throughout the universe.
So Homer's driving the kids to school....
Homer: So... how about those rainbow suspenders, huh?
Bart: Dad...?
Homer: Pretty cool way to keep your pants up, eh?
Bart: Dad!
Homer: I see these kids now with "Jive" printed on their shirts. Pftt... Now, I can teach you how you're supposed to say "jive."
Lisa: Dad... Please just drive the car, dad.
Homer: I'm watching the road, sweetie. You jive turkey. See? You got to sass it. Quit jivin' me, turkey. You got to sass it. A "turkey" is a bad person.
In order to sink even lower, Homer turns on the radio to his favorite station, which he's the only one in the car to enjoy.
Radio Announcer: KFSL -- Fossil 103. Classic hits from Abba to Zeppelin, comma, Led.
Milhouse asks Homer to change the radio station, but Homer retorts that it's Grand Funk Railroad. No one knows what he's talking about, and Homer is surprised. Homer drops the kids to school, and they rush out of the car.
Homer: For more information on Grand Funk, consult your school library!
Later.....
Bart: Dad, please, you're embarrassing us.
Homer: No, I'm not.....Grand Funk Railroad paved the way for
Bart: Dad! No one cares about any of your stupid dinosaur bands! You have the worst, lamest taste in music ever.
[turns off the radio]
Homer: I'm just trying to party with you guys.
Bart: Homer, first of all, it's "par-tay", and second, we wouldn't "par-tay" with you if you were the last dad on Earth.
Later, Homer walks into a music store (Suicide Notes, which used to be Good Vibrations)
Homer: Now, here are some of your no-name bands. Sonic Youth? Nine Inch Nails? Hullabalooza?
Clerk: Hullabalooza is a music festival; the greatest music festival of all time.
Homer: There can only be one truly great festival a lifetime and it's the "Us Festival."
Clerk: The what festival?
Homer: The "Us Festival"! Geez! It was sponsored by the guy from Apple Computers.
Clerk: What computers? [in 1996 that made sense]
Later, Homer is upset about the music....
Homer: Why do you need new bands? Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact.
Marge: What's wrong, Homie?
Homer: [sighs] I went to the record store today and they were playing all that music I've never heard of. It was like the store had gone crazy.
Marge: Hmm. Record stores have always seemed crazy to me, but it doesn't upset me. Music is none of my business.
Homer: That's fine for you, Marge, but I used to Rock 'N' Roll all night and party e-ver-y day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.
Bart: Dear Lord, if you keep Homer from embarrassing us today, we promise to build several churches in your honor.
Lisa: Bart, no!
Homer passes in front of Milhouse without stopping.
Milhouse: Hey, wait! I'm okay today! My mom bought me deodorant!
Homer takes the kids to Hullabalooza (first giving them tickets with an authenticator spot, itself a commercial for Clark Bars and Jostens class rings). Once at Hullabalooza they find it's a tad commercial:
Peformer: Before we start, we have a lost child here. If she's not claimed within the next hour, she will become property of Blockbuster Entertainment.
Homer has a rough go at it, including misunderstanding Karma, being accused of being a drug trafficer AND Narc, and not getting enough butt support from the hostile crowd. To top it all off, she's shot with an inflatable pig out of a cannon, and somehow survives. A man approaches Homer.
Hullabalooza Manager: Sir, I run Hullabalooza's pageant of the transmundane --the freak show, very much for you to be that fatso.
Homer is flattered, but Marge doesn't take it the same way. Later that night at home....
Marge: So... you want to go on tour with a traveling freak show.
Homer: I don't think I have a choice, Marge.
Marge: Of course you have a choice.
Homer: How do you figure?
Marge: You don't have to join a freak show just because the opportunity came along.
Homer: You know, Marge, in some ways, you and I are very different people.
[my brother and I use this last line a lot. Good times!]
Then Homer starts running into famous people.....
Corgan: Hey cannonball, I like your statement: when life takes a cheap shot at you, you stand your ground. Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.
Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely.
Homer: You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide.
Corgan: Well, we try to make a difference.
The Hullabalooza crowd is just slightly jaded.....
Teen1: Oh, here comes that cannonball guy. He's cool.
Teen2: Are you being sarcastic, dude?
Teen1: I don't even know anymore.
The Hullabalooza tour heads to
Corgan: Hey, Homer, looks like our next stop is your hometown,
D'Arcy: Is it true that we have to bring our own water?
Homer: We got a little rule back home: if it's brown, drink it down; if it's black, send it back.
Chamberlin: The hometown show's the big one, Homer.
Iha: Yeah, people who called you a weirdo in high school get to see what a successful freak you've become.
[points to D'Arcy]
D'Arcy: Hey, I wasn't a weirdo. I was in the audio-visual club.
Homer: Really? Me too! But I got kicked out 'cause of my views of
Bart is interviewing Homer for a school project (the person he admires most)
Bart: So, what's it like being famous, dad?
Homer: People know your name, but you don't know theirs. It's great.
Bart: Do you wear boxers or briefs?
Homer: [checking] Nope.
Bart: What religion are you?
Homer: You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life. Uh... Christianity.
[with my luck, this will be the day my mom reads]
Homer leads his family backstage at Hullabalooza.
Stage Manager: Who is playing with the London Symphony Orchestra? Come on people, somebody ordered the London Symphony Orchestra... posssibly while high. Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your direction!
[What's even funnier is that they think they did, but it was actually Peter Frampton]
Homer gets ready to take the cannon ball in front of everyone, but he's scared because a doctor warned him if he did it again, he'd die. At the last minute Homer jumps out of the way, causing the crowd to boo.
Homer: I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.
The Smashing Pumpkins and a member of Cypress Hill discuss:
Lee Ranaldo: Oh, man. Homer wussed out. I'm so disillusioned.
Kim Gordon: Hullabalooza isn't about freaks; it's about music, and advertisement, and youth-oriented product positioning.
Sen-Dog: That, and getting toasted. Nicely toasted.
Homer gets ready to leave:
Homer: I'll miss you, Pumpkins, but I just can't share your bleak world view. I've got too much to live for.
Corgan: We envy you, Homer. All we have is our music, our legions of fans, our million of dollars and our youth. [pause] Woo-Hoo!
Iha: Let's all go out and buy fur coats!
Chamberlin: I want a walk-in humidor.
Finally, in the most brilliantly satyrical denouement in Simpsons history, the family drives home...
Homer: So, I realized that being with my family is more important than being cool.
Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool.
Homer: You know what the song says: "It's hip to be square."
Lisa: That song is so lame.
Homer: So lame that it's... cool?
Bart+Lisa: No.
Marge: Am I cool, kids?
Bart+Lisa: No.
Marge: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool, not caring, right?
Bart+Lisa: No.
Marge: Well, how the hell do you be cool? I feel like we've tried everything here.
Homer: Wait, Marge. Maybe if you're truly cool, you don't need to be told you're cool.
Bart: Well, sure you do.
Lisa: How else would you know?
You know how you'd know? If you're visiting the Hyperion Institute every day. (The REALLY cool kids donte to the cause.)
Join us Monday when hopefully I'll have the Movie Years straighted out and can once again give you some great flicks to watch. (And you better be!!!)
Secrest out
