Top ten reasons why pirates are better than ninja
10. The frilly shirts belie their cold heart and guts of steel. Plus, they are cooler when it is summertime because all the ruffles better catch the warm summer breeze.
9. Pierced ears are cool. In moments of great need, pirates melt down their earrings and mold it into bullets.
8. Nowhere is there a statement in the pirate code of conduct that rum is forbidden.
7. Pirates are obviously more intelligent, as evidenced by their overwhelming support for Jean-Luc Picard.
6. Pirates have first-mates, who also can kick ninja butt.
5. Their mode of transportation is way cool. Big boats…with guns...and lots of rum! How can jumping from tree to tree beat that?
4. Pirate gear is made for all-purpose butt kicking. Check out the peg leg, the hook, the eyepatch, the talking parrot, the SWORDS!
3. Swashbucking just sounds fun
2. It is always more fun spending other people’s money, especially if obtained through ill‑gotten means
1. Making your enemies walk the plank will make you feared amongst your enemies, loved amongst your fellow pirates, and big smash with the ladies.
[As a bonus, Lady Jane told me that "Now that I've established how much cooler pirates are than Ninja, I should tell the Readers who the best pirates are." And she did:]
Top Ten Pirates ever!
10. Shawn Fanning. aka “the Napster dude”.
9. Captain Morgan. Great provider of Pirate Rum
8. Blackbeard
7. Anne Bonny. Let’s hear it for the ladies (for more, see Anne Bonny's Bio.)
6. The Dread Pirate Roberts
5. Captain Hook
4. Robin Hood-ok ok. So he didn’t have a ship, or an eyepatch. But he stole booty with the best of ‘em!
3. Sir Francis Drake. With the name Francis, he must have been a most excellent pirate! (For more see Sir Francis Drake's Bio.)
2. One-eyed Willy. Those booby traps were awesome eh?
[Hyperion's Note: Not having seen GOONIES, I had no idea who "One Eyed Willy" was. The only time I'd ever heard the expression was vulgar slang for....well, you figure it out.]
1. Captain Jack Sparrow!
Up Tomorrow: Kapgar rebuts, with his reasons why Ninja are better than Pirates
