The other day I turned my apple stem, as you are supposed to do to see whom you will marry. (You all know how this works, right? Each rotation is a letter of the alphabet, and when the apple stem comes out of the apple, whatever letter you are on is the first name of the girl you will end up marrying.)
I tried to get to “K,” but ended up with G. It was a sad moment, but those are the risks you take to enjoy a little thing I like to call “apples.”
Undaunted, I set about making a list of “G” girls I could marry. These are the top ten I came up with off the top of my head.
#10 Gennifer – I know it is a weak spelling, but just in case.
#9 Glenda – I am mostly thinking of the good witch, although for the life of me I cannot remember where she was from now.
#8 Gloria – I think I have her number. (Now that was a good one.) Hey, I just remembered: The Wizard of Oz, right?
#7 Ginella - I am told it means “window” in Spanish. I believe she would give me my “window of opportunity.” Okay, that was lame, but you do better on no sleep!
#6 Gloria – I think I have her number. (Now that was a good one.) Hey, I just remembered: The Wizard of Oz, right?
(She sort of looks like the Burger King guy's wife)
#6 Gia – Was there not some bi-sexual supermodel chick with this name? That could happen again, right?
(She is okay, for a bi-sexual supermodel....I guess)
#5 Giselle – We are agreed—are we not—that names can shape personality. For example: you name your daughter “Candy” or “Bambi,” you might as well put a pole up in their crib so they can get some practice. Similarly, could you possibly name a girl “Giselle” and not expect her to be a sex kitten? I thought not.
#4 Gwendolyn – It just sounds great to say. Go ahead: close your eyes and let it roll off your tongue like sweet nectar.
#3 Gretchen – I think I read “Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret” at least 120 times. Gretchen was by far my favorite character.
#2 Guinevere – Obviously this is classic, but you would always have to fear that she would be looking around for a Lancelot to cheat on you.
And the number 1 G Girl for me to marry…..
#1 Giaconda – As I write this name I am suddenly realize you do not know who this really is. Let me give you a hint: with the exception of the Virgin Mary: the most famous woman of all time.
Up Next: I find an apple with a tougher stem so I can get to “K” and not cause a riot.
