One of the most beloved traditions of the Simpsons is tuning in for the beginning, since it’s often different. Of course there are the couch gags, but there’s also the oft’ overlooked Chalkboard gags. Sometimes the writers reference things going on right then. One I remember well was right after The Simpsons became eligible for Emmy consideration, and didn’t get nominated (they never have). Bart wrote “I will never win an Emmy.” During the Lewinski scandal Bart wrote both “No one cares what my definition of ‘is’ is” and “The ‘President did it’ is not an excuse.”
The chalkboard gag has quite often been a source of pop references or topical humor, like the following: “My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man;” “I can't see dead people;” “I was not touched "there" by an angel;” “This school does not need a ‘regime change’;” “SpongeBob is not a contraceptive;” “Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story” (You know what Bart’s talking about)
Occasionally Bart or someone else has to write in the actual show, my favorite of which was when Bart stole all the Teachers’ Editions and then had to write “I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty”
Anyway, after taking out the topical references and wading through the all the others, the following are my top ten favorite Chalkboard Gags
#10 Sherri does not "got back"
#9 I do not have diplomatic immunity
#9 I will not carve gods
#8 I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
#7 There are plenty of businesses like show business
#6 Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
#5 I am not my long-lost twin
#4 I won't not use no double negatives
#3 I will not obey the voices in my head
#2 And the number one Chalkboard gag is….
#1 The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
Up Next: Simpson Halloween Episodes
Reminder: I offered to write a Top Ten List to anyone who could get five people to visit or two people to sign up. So far not a single person has taken me up on this. Come on folks! I need you!!! (especially the hot ones)
