For this Halloween Season I thought I would make a list of the scariest celebrities. Of course, it would be easy to do just all women, since most of us tend to be scarder of them. (It’s a word.) But I wanted to go above and beyond the call of duty and tried my bestest to come up with men too. I did such a good job I decided to split the list up into 2.
THE TOP TEN SCARIEST FAMOUS MEN
#10 Kiefer/Donald Sutherland – These guys scare me for different reasons. With Kiefer, I always felt he was a dangerous man. (The fact that Kiefer almost married Julia Roberts only strengthens it.) When he joined the cast of 24 he became a good guy, but he’s still pretty rough, eh? As for his dad, there’s just something about that wolfish grin of his….
#9 Mel Gibson – I like Mel and his movies. But have you noticed how into pain this dude is? He can’t seem to make a movie where the main character isn’t tortured repeatedly. I think it started with Riggs in LETHAL WEAPON, but now that’s all he does. Makes you wonder if he has a fetish.
#8 James Spader – The man just unnerves me. Watching him he always is quiet and seems like he has a secret he knows about me that I’m not gonna like.
#7 Jon Voigt – Seeing as how all of his characters are fairly mean sons of bitches, isn’t it possible that it’s just him?
#6 Chi McBride – I can’t put my finger on why McBride unsettles me. There’s just something about each of his characters that he plays. I don’t know. Maybe I’m picking up a mean streak or something. Even in that righteous role on Boston Public there was something there….
#5 Jimmy Fallon – First of all, I don’t think I’ve EVER seen him be funny. But a lot of people think he is hilarious. Thing is: I think Fallon agrees with me. I think he’s scared to death that somehow he’s been fooling people, and that eventually they’re going to figure it out. That kind of desperation isn’t good.
#4 Ron Rifkin – Another guy who often plays villains. Rifkin is even more dangerous to me because his villains are usually so sophisticated, and there’s a likeability about him too. How many times has he fooled people on Alias?
#3 Jon Stewart – He scares me because I’m pretty sure he knows that a tremendous amount of young people take him seriously, despite his protests that it’s all fake news. I think they say that so much people get inured to it, and basically just believe the comedy of The Daily Show. The fact that I KNOW more than one of you right now is thinking, “But beyond the funny they make great points” proves me right.
#2 Suge Knight – Some (I said some) of the rappers may be faking their way around the Thug Life to sell records. I don’t think for a minute Knight is one of them. I think this dude is a Music Mafia don, and runs his businesses by threats, intimidation, and brute force. The bullet that hit Tupac was meant for him, so there’s a grudge I’m holding as well. But I’m not mad enough to mess with this dude.
And the number one scary male celebrity is…..
#1 Freddie Prinze Jr. – He’s colossally untalented. He makes Matthew Lillard (Matthew freaking Lillard!) look good in comparison. If Freddie ever made a movie with Keanu Reeves, they’d probably give Keanu an Oscar. So explain to me how this dude continues to get work. Movie after movie, and now his own show, a comedy, no less! As a kicker, he’s married to Buffy! (Sarah Michelle Gellar) There can be only one conclusion: Freddie Prinze Jr. has the goods on everybody. He belongs to some unholy alliance that puts people in positions of power, and he’s blackmailed himself to the top. That’s a dangerous fellow, and he scares the tar out of me.
