I actually have half a dozen lists already written, but I couldn’t bring myself to type them up. (You know things aren’t going well when you’re too lazy to type up 300 words.) Instead, I have this list from a column I wrote in March of 2001. (#27, in case you were scoring at home, or even if you’re by yourself.) Many of these things are dated and wouldn’t apply any more, but I didn’t feel like changing them, not only the laziness again, but for some reason, they seem even more pathetic stuck in the time-capsule that was then. If I had to do a list today, I’m sure it would involve watching “Family Feud” and laughing at “Yes Dear.”
THE TOP TEN SIGNS YOU MAY BE DEPRESSED
#10 Melancholy ballads on bad albums from years gone by suddenly seem deep and meaningful “when you really listen to the lyrics.”
#9 Your entire day hinges on whether or not you got to see the second part of that “Wonder Years” cliffhanger on Nick-at-Nite.
#8 You forget to eat, and when you remember, the idea of spending five minutes preparing your microwave-ready meal is too much to deal with.
#7 You rationalize not taking a shower for days on end by telling yourself that "au natural" is the in thing this year.
#6 Getting mail from a friend makes you ecstatic, but then you don’t read the letter for the better part of a week.
#5 You think of the most creative, funny, and inspiring ideas of your entire life, and no one is ever awake to share them with.
#4 You watch Infomercials that you’ve already seen before and still become emotionally involved.
#3 The Weather Channel has become an Epic Miniseries.
#2 You can speak knowledgeably about every Headline News host there is.
And….
#1 You write down lists of signs you might be depressed.
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