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Salad Toppings

Salads are…well, they’re not steak. But they can be better with the right ingredients. Everyone has his or her own tastes in what makes a good salad. For example, when I asked Taisie this question, she responsed with “onions” and “cillantro.” But with all due respect to her, that’s crazy.

There is a hierarchy of salad toppings, and here it is:

THE TOP TEN ITEMS YOU CAN PUT ON YOUR SALAD

#10 CARROTS – You don’t just have to have them diced. You can also try shaved; a great change-up.

#9 APPLES – It’s a fairly useless fruit, but cut them up and your salad is doin’ the Happy Dance.

#8 SUNFLOWER SEEDS – What salad wouldn’t be improved by a few of these crunchy little morsels? No salad I’d want to eat.

#7 TURKEY – Having worked in a deli make sure you get non-processed turkey, ‘cause if you knew what was in the other stuff…

#6 CROUTONS – I like the big giant ones that look like you could build a house out of them.

#5 CUCUMBERS – Also handy if for some reason you need to exfoliate near the salad bar.

#4 CHEESE – I’m hankerin’ for a hunk a, a really big a chunk a….

#3 OLIVES – I once met a man who didn’t like olives. He’s dead now. Draw your own conclusions.

#2 TOMATOES – Cherry are the standard, but grape tomatoes work equally well. And Sun dried…aren’t we rich!

And the number one item to put on your salad….

#1 BACON – As if there were any doubt (For more on this phenomenon, see the BLKF Theory)