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Bart's Crank Calls

One of the best running gags is Bart’s Crank Calls to Moe the Bartender. Moe almost never seems to catch on.


#10 Mike Rotch the PG version stolen from PORKY’S, but still very funny.

#9 Oliver Clothesoff There’s one Russian dude I wouldn’t mind seeing.

#8 Al Coholic I’d say at that tavern the chances of finding one are pretty good.

#7 Jacques Strap Moe’s reply: “Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap! Oh, wait a minute...Jacques Strap. It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood!”

#6 Bea O’Problem Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?”
Barney says "You sure do!"
”'s you, isn't it? Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!”

#5 Heywood U. Cuddleme This time it was a telegram: Telegram for Heywood U. Cuddleme! Heywood U. Cuddleme? Big guy in the back, Heywood U. Cuddleme?”
A large man turns and stares at Moe as Lenny and Carl laugh
”Oh, do, that little, ooh...I'm gonna drive a golden spike where your
Union meets your Central Pacific!”

#4 Hugh Jass One of the few times things didn’t work out, since he was there and took the call!

#3 At this point, is Bart even trying? Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.”

#2 Homer Sexual I guess it wasn’t one of those bars: “Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!”
Homer says "Don't look at me!"
”Oh, no...You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!”

And the number one crank call

#1 Amanda Huggenkiss Ladies and gentlemen, once again I present Moe: “Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?” and Barney gives the immortal reply: “Maybe your standards are too high!” Classic.

Up Next: How should I know? still no one sends me lists. I'll do my best to come up with something Simpsony