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Aces of the Deck

I’m a man and willing to admit when I make a mistake. Attempting to get all the deck guys into one list was foolhardy. Or maybe I just didn’t spend enough time on it. Of course, over the weekend, I thought of two additional that simply HAD to go in my top ten. This is a big problem because 11-20 is already a done deal, and I can’t go back and fix it. What’s a guy to do? Cheat, I guess.


Honorable Mention: Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon (PTI) – These guys just argue for half an hour over sports, but I think it’s my favorite show. They make it so entertaining, so much so that my sister even watches with me from time to time. If there was any justice in the world they’d be on the actual list.

#10 WARRICK BROWN (CSI) – It ain’t just cause he’s black, although everyone knows black people are cooler than white people. Warrick has this vibe about him. Even when he had a gambling problem, or when he fell for that heroin junkie, Warrick keeps it real.

#9 JACK BRISTOW (Alias) – Sydney’s dad is a good guy, and still scares me. There is no way this dude would ever be caught off guard, and nothing he’d stop at to help those he cares about.

#8 GRISSOM (CSI) – He’s weird. He collects bugs, licks bones, and generally ignores the world around him. Yet in his own way Grissom is even decker than Warrick and Greg, a real feat. He ignores the politics and does what he wants. Now if he’d just get down with that blonde hottie cop, and then make Sarah stay in the lab. Better yet, have her killed and declare the case unsolvable.

#7 AL SWEARENGEN (Deadwood) – I’ve recently come to see how deck Al is. The main reason is how much smarter he is than the others around him. Once you get into DEADWOOD you’ll see what I mean.

#6 JOHN LOCKE (Lost) – When I first thought of this list I thought Locke might be #1. That in the final analysis he falls to #6 is a testament to how tough this list is. (I want you punks to know I spent a lot of time thinking it over). Locke is the heart and soul of Lost Island (I wish I had a better name, but my readers let me down there). He had faith, he’s tough, he’s overcome so much, and he doesn’t even try to take the leadership from that punk and all around nancy boy Jack. That’s deck.

#5 TOMMY GAVIN (Rescue Me) – We all know how deck Denis Leary is. On RESCUE ME, his Tommy Gavin is even cooler. Playing an alcoholic cheating brawling lying, ghost-seeing and ghost-fighting, miserable SOB fire fighter, Gavin makes me want to run into a burning building.

#4 VICK MACKEY ( The Shield) – Again, how does Mackey not come out at #1? Regardless, he’s the bad ass cop with the cool leather jacket. Is he a good cop who does very bad things? Or a good cop who’s lost his way horribly? Who knows? As long as he looks good doing it.

#3 TONY SOPRANO (The Sopranos) – My ex girlfriend and my sister find this guy uber-hot (giving hope to fat guys everywhere). Is it the pot belly or the thinning hair? No, it’s the alpha-maleness. It’s the way he does something immediate when action is called for. He da man.

#2 JACK BAUER (24) – Speaking of Alpha Males, is there any doubt that Jack is the greatest law enforcement officer in history? Is there ANYTHING he won’t do to get the job done? Where’s James Bond? Bauer would rip him up while teaching MoneyPenny and M a thing or two.

#1 GREG HOUSE (HOUSE) – He’s miserable. He’s a drug addict. He’s a cripple. Everyone hates him. And yet, he’s the deckest guy around. Everyone cares about his opinion. His boss is still in love with him. His hot subordinate is in love with him. He Ex is freaking Sela Ward, Hyperion’s future wife. House is so deck he needs a new word. You know, there’s song that once had a DJ line that went, Jack-night and Dakota House….Maybe they were talking about him.

#0 HOMER SIMPSON – As if there’s any doubt.

Up next: who knows? I have several lists formulated. I guess we’ll see which one I go with.