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Candy Bars

I know I said I wasn’t posting another list until I got all the work on my websites done, but I just missed you guys a lot. That and no one else sent in any more lists. So I thought I’d post one for old times’ sake.


#10 BIG HUNK – Let’s start with the greatest name a candy bar could aspire to. I was going to go with Milky Way, but Big Hunk is so different. It’s nougat, but it’s white? What’s up with that? If you’ve never had one, give it a try.

#9 SKOR – There was a time when Bryan Yutzie and I would have a Skor bar every single day. We called it “the daily Skor bar.” Pretty clever, no? I’m not normally a toffee guy, but maybe because Skor is so think it just hits the spot.

#8 KRACKLE – a Krackle big block used to be my dream every Easter. I loved these things. The only reason I don’t rate it higher is because you can’t eat one every day, but were they great when you did.

#7 ROLOS – You need some caramel. You need some chocolate, but you want it in a tetrahedronal shape, or whatever that dumb thing was. Rolos ruled!

#6 HERSHEY (w/ ALMONDS) – Sadly, most Canadians would disagree because for some strange reason, Hershey’s chocolate has a different flavor up here! I’m not kidding. (Also true: Mountain Dew is not allowed to have caffeine! Like anyone would drink it otherwise.) I wonder if Canadians ever feel like the world is just playing a cruel joke on them?

#5 MARS – I’m talking the cream colored wrapper, not the new dark one. How can you make Mars bars without the almonds? It’s criminal! I only wish they were bigger.

[I just realized I forgot all about Watchamacallits. I’m too far into the list to change now. Sigh.]

#4 CHARLESTON CHEW - I think I speak for everyone when I say that Charleston Chews are about the only good thing South Carolina has ever given us. But these things freaking rule. All three flavors—chocolate, vanilla and strawberry—absolutely rule, and sometimes they taste even better frozen, as long as you don’t break your teeth. I have to wonder why Dairy Queen hasn’t added a Charleston Chew Blizzard. How about it, DQ?

#3 BUTTERFINGERS – one of my best memories was going to summer camp and having a package from my mother for gifts to open; one a day. Of course I usually opened them all within half an hour of arriving. Good thing too, because Butterfinger wasn’t usually until Wednesday, and would have melted by then. I love these things. If they made Butterfingers after-dinner mints…I think I could die happy.

#2 REECE’S PEANUT-BUTTER CUPS – Technically, this isn’t a candy BAR, but Reece’s are so freaking good we’ll let it slide. Has there ever been a more classic flavor combination than peanut butter and chocolate? I think not. One caveat, though: there is a wrong way to eat a Reece’s. I was talking to Scapedragon the other night, and her way is just sick!

And the number one candy bar is…..

#1 SNICKERS – There’s nothing super flashy about Snickers. It doesn’t knock you out of the park. The thing is, you never get tired of them. Like I said: I can’t eat a Krackle every day, and I don’t think I’d want to even try a Big Hunk. After a bag or two even the Reece’s would get a little old. But Snickers doesn’t ever change. It’s always a good idea. Well, almost always. I guess I have to tell the story of when I got hit in the balls with a frozen Snickers bar. It was the worst pain of all time. I was talking about this once with my brother, and my mom chimed in that childbirth was a far worse pain. I scoffed at her and asked her, “Mom. After you had me, you wanted to have more kids, right?” “Of course.” She answered. “Well mom, I NEVER want to get hit in the balls again with a frozen Snickers bar.” Case close. Good eatin’, though.